Monday, October 27, 2008

Weight of the World.


I am sick again. I have been since last Wednesday. It is evident that there are three 'sure things' that I receive from my part-time gig as a surly, substitute teacher; dirty looks from parents who say,"Oh no! You're here?! What happened to Miss Perky McPerfectson today?" An exposure to every known cough, cold, or virus known to man, 'Please greet each student with a firm handshake,' (No amount of Purell can combat sneezy second graders), and a measly daily rate.

I also got Steven sick, but at least we are sick at the same time, and not too worried about accidentally drinking out of each others' tea cups (not a euphemism).

I am also mentally depleted.I am depressed. What is on my mind? Oh the usual- death, cancer, politics, starvation, gay rights, ugliness, grief. HAPPY MONDAY!

My friend Lori brought my attention to this post. Check out the comments. I would like to thank Becca for posting this. I really appreciate it. It is one thing for someone like me (agnostic on a good day, liberal, theatre major) to say something, but for her to be so strong and take a stand, well that is inspiring and brave. Some of the comments on her post made me physically sick to my stomach. There were people who actually said that it would be better for an orphan to die than to be placed with a gay couple. Knowing that there are people like this in the world, makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

Beautiful Becca, thanks for speaking out.

Does anyone else feel like they are just biding their time until the next cancer diagnosis? Is there anyone out there who is NOT dealing with cancer in some way? When I first heard about my mother-in-law's diagnosis, I immediately consulted Dr. Google. Look what I found. Steel yourself first...

Baby Emily
(Not an adoption blog unfortunately).

Joseph (Yeah, you read those dates right).

Then, last week, there was news from a friend who found out that her fifteen year old nephew was facing a diagnosis of his own.

Then there is a friend that Steven has known longer than he has known me. This friend called because his father also has a glioblastoma. His father had surgery on Thursday. Steven spent part of his weekend explaining to his friend some of the exercises he could do with his father to help him recover.

And what about Abby ?

Epidemic. Cancer is an epidemic. Why is there not more research on what causes cancer? There are millions and millions of dollars pumped into researching treatment options and new drugs.
Like this one.

Guess how much that helped Chris? Not at all. It turned her green like the Incredible Hulk. It did not help her in any way. Not in any way.

When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer the doctors asked me if I grew up near a nuclear power plant. Uhm, no I didn't. What is your next guess doc?

I am frustrated. I am scared. I am angry. I don't want to lose any more family members, fleshy or furry, to cancer. I don't want you to either. But we will. We will all continue to lose our loved ones to cancer.

I know what you are thinking.... "Bring back Jane Kurtz!!" (She'll be back on Friday).

Cancer. Gay Rights. What on earth am I trying to say and why am I saying it on my adoption blog?

Life is short.

Live fully.

Hug longer.

Gaze into each other's eyes.



For a few of the people who commented on Becca's post...

If you happen to meet someone who loves someone of their same sex, open your arms, your minds, and your hearts. Congratulate them on their happiness. Let go of your anger, and your prejudice.

It is ugly.

It is as ugly as cancer.

Music Playlist at


  1. Your honesty is so refreshing. Thanks for sharing. I wish my life had not been touched by cancer but it seems to keep rearing its ugly head.

    And your right, those comments were beyond disgusting. It is truly sad...

    I hope your day wasn't too bad and maybe you will get the proposal you have been waiting for soon.

  2. Julie, I was so shocked to read what I read. I sat there at the computer just gaping. Do these people honestly think, really, that God would want that? Really? That He would want his babies to suffer like that rather than be in a gay household? I was nauseated as well.

  3. thank you sweet julie... you definitely brought my soul back to a hopeful state with your comment :).
    with love...

  4. I agree with the blogger. And some of those comments are revolting. I can't believe someone said it is okay to hate what God hates...Man, I wish I could adequately express just how I feel about that herein, but this is no doubt the incorrect forum in which to do so.


  5. Julie, I'm sorry you are feeling the weight of the world today. Thanks for pointing me to that post - it was refreshing because as a Christian, I feel my faith misrepresented SO MUCH! She did a great job.

    Hang in there ...

  6. I'm sorry your having such a hard day. I read that blog post and am so sad for some of the commenters who are so hate-filled. What an awful way to go through life.

  7. Thank you once again for making us think so much..for pointing out such great posts. I am sorry that you are sick again..I hope you feel better soon.

  8. I wish you lived near me. I often wonder what will be the next disclosure about what causes cancer. I often wonder if enough emphasis is put on finding causes. I also often wonder how people can be so mean, and why it is so hard for them to imagine life in someone else's shoes. I hope you feel better very soon. I hope that something will happen soon that will swing your perspective 180 and make you and Steven feel joy and optimisim as deep as your grief and sadness.

  9. Thank you! You have just reminded me how important it is to live in the present, the now. I forgot! It is nice to remember.

    Feel better soon


    P.S. I read Becca's blog - her courage is awesome, others' cowardice is not!

  10. Oh Julie, I'm tempted to jump on that plane tomorrow with Ted so we could hang out. I've said it bunches already, but you're such a wonderful writer, and your heart is enormous, and I wish we could see other more. Please come visit us in Portland.

  11. Thank you so much for the kind blog comment, Julie! With you, my readership is now up to a grand total of four. =) (I guess I'm moving up in the world!)

    And I am so sorry to read that things feel so overwhelming right now. I hope that soon you'll encounter an "amazing day," a day like the one e.e. cummings describes. (From your blog title, I assume you're a fan!) May "the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky" be just around your corner, waiting to surprise you with joy.

  12. Julie,

    Wow, those comments on the blog link you provided were amazingly....words leave me. Revolting? On one hand to say "God's everyloving kindness" and then "God hates...." is, to me, such audacity. I could go on, but it really just gets my blood pressure way too high. Your post is great, girl.


  13. Hey! I just heard that our bro's bros-in-law got all their paperwork into The Cradle!!

  14. thank you for this post and directing me to becca's blog. wonderful. xooxox

  15. Beautiful post, yet again. You have such a way with expressing your feelings for everyone. I'm right there with you on cancer... and adoption in relation to homosexual couples. it is terribly painful to watch a loved one suffer... from anything. Illness, disease, lack of family. People are amazing. Their ability to love, give, grow, learn, and open their hearts, as well as to be narrow minded, cold, cruel and disgusting.

    Thanks for keeping us all thinking. Keep up the good work! :-D

  16. Sorry you are sick, look at is as an immuno-boost in preparedness for all of the icky germs your little cuties are going to lay on your face in the form of snot and spit rich kisses!!! (Does that help?)

    You are not alone in your thoughts, thank you for expressing them so beautifully and giving form to the words swirling in my head at any given moment. Over dinner last night my husband and I were discussing gay rights and why it is our responsibility to let people know how we feel about equality. That it is not enough to just empathize, but we need to be more vocal, more organized, more directed. We need to put our energy where it matters. It is about basic freedom and rights. And even entertaining the idea that a child is better off suffering than in a homosexual household is revolting. (The way I see it...NO child wants to think about their parents sex life, homo or heterosexual- that's just yucky!!). It does not matter in the eyes of a child. Children need families period. Families do not fit a cookie cutter mold. It is so interesting to me that this is even debatable anymore, EQUALITY now for goodness sake! Enough!

    Happy Monday to you too! Keep pounding the echinacea!!

    Sara in WI

  17. Phew! That's a lot of hard stuff going on in that beautiful thinker of yours.... The only advice I have to offer is just this- keep on writing, Julie girl. Keep on writing.

  18. I love this post so much, Julie. I sad here and cried and read it and listened to the first song "It's getting cold in Cherokee county," or whatever that was... and laughed, too. I'm with you, really. I also spent a year as the not-so-Perky MsPerfectson -- but at at high school. It was so horrible that I went back to grad school so that I'd never have to set foot in a public high school again.

    I haven't had cancer. I'm so sorry that you have, and I can't begin to say that I understand, because of course, I don't. But also, I'm so happy for you that you HAVE found the love of your life. That really counts for something. To love and to be loved through all the heartbreak, that is beautiful.

    I'm also SO SO happy that you will be parenting kids soon!!! I'm pretty excited for you guys to get your referral. It's going to be a happy day in blog world when that happens.