Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Somehow, Someday

Saturday was Halloween. If you have struggled, or are currently struggling to have children, you don't need me to tell you that Halloween can be a sad day. Halloween brings all of your longing right up to the surface. It is a day when you repeatedly open the door to everything that you want, but can't seem to have.

People in your neighborhood may avoid your house altogether on Halloween. Maybe folks think you are those crazy 'dog people' with the three mutts living in under 700 square feet. Maybe they assume that a couple your age must not like children, or they would have had them by now. Maybe you stand outside your door waving children in,"We have candy!" like some desperate weirdo.

Maybe you have just had a miscarriage and the sight of all of those little pumpkins, all those little Buzz Lightyears, and all those tiny princesses, make you want to slit your wrists.

Maybe Halloween is a day that makes you want to stay in your pj's, and take that bag of Hershey's miniatures back to bed.

Saturday was not one of those days. It was not one of those days at all.

This Halloween day started with the six of us waking up together.

This day started with a smiley baby, and his silly sister who stole his costume.



This day started with blue skies, and crisp air. This day started with my daughter's first tricycle ride.


This day started with hot coffee and an egg 'samlich'.

This day was a Habesha Tortuga and a Beautiful Butterfly.



This day was parties, and games. This day was friends, and trick-or-treating. This day was pumpkins, and pinatas.

This day was unlike all of the other Halloweens.

Somehow, miraculously, there we were...

a family.


Somehow, after all these years, there was happiness on this day.

My heart was so full that I actually took flight.


If you are still struggling this time of year, hold on. It took us ten years. Somehow, miraculously, it has finally happened. May it finally happen for you too.

Somehow, Someday...

Soon.


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58 comments:

  1. A beautiful, beautiful post.

    We don't get many trick-or-treaters on my block, so Halloween hasn't been one of those sad-making holidays for me in the past. But this year was actually the hardest, waiting to travel to ET, wondering how many other holidays she will miss before she's finally here...

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  2. Love in clear view, lots and lots of it.

    Cindy

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  3. Just beautiful. I'm writing this comment through tears.

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  4. crying. crying beautiful, happy tears. so very happy for you.

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  5. Thank you, Julie, for this post. Oh these holidays...

    You & your beautiful family make me very happy.

    Still hanging on. We will get there too.

    xoxo

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  6. look at you all bloggy every day. nice work girl! wonderful post.

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  7. I cannot think of anything more beautiful! Thank you for the sobering reminder of what holidays can mean to some, and thank you for the glimpse into the amazing life you're building.

    Cheers to many happy tomorrows.

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  8. Julie....you know how to bring up the tears. This is beautiful. I love your new flight and the reason why you soar. And I hope everyone out there struggling with infertility or going through a long and tough adoption process will find hope in your writing.

    Theresa

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  9. Oh my goodness. I'm crying. So beautiful. It's true - Halloween was always my favorite holiday but during those years of struggle to have a child... it was hard. I'm so happy that yours was so precious this year.

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  10. Thank you for this post! Truly Beautiful.

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  11. Thank you for putting into words how I feel!

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  12. Julie,

    You will never know how much i needed to read this today! Thank you for taking the time to write it so beautifully.

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  13. Tears....still. Soaring much much better than bag of chocolate in bed alone :) I LOVE your family picture. Gorgeous.

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  14. Thanks for the lovely post. Halloween was still one of those days for me this year, but I know it won't be in the future. It helps to hear it from people who have been there, done that!

    PS Cute kiddos in their costumes!

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  15. Oh gawd! You just made me all weepy and such!

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  16. Tears with my coffee this morning and joy in my heart. Happy first Halloween.

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  17. Uh, ok, Kleenex please! Thank you, Julie, you give me hope. Maybe this will be the last year I spend in bed watching movies with my three dogs and the Reeses peanut butter cups!

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  18. The fullness and brightness of your life, of your faces in the pictures are overwhelming ... in a good way. I am so happy for you, Julie! Enjoy your flight :)

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  19. oh julie! you render us all happy blubbering fools.

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  20. You put in to words way better than I ever could have how hard Halloween was before children. sniff.

    This year was the first time in over 6 years that I actually looked forward to Halloween.

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  21. Woman, you are just gonna make me bawl. I bet it tasted so sweet you could barely stand it.

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  22. i have chills all over. such a beautiful, redemptive picture of loss and fullness. thank you for teaching me sensitivity about halloween. i have not struggled with fertility and (embarrassingly) didn't realize that it would be a hard day for those who do. love the carefree spirit in your family.

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  23. What a beautiful post. I love every single one of the pictures. I am so glad you had a wonderful Halloween. Now, just wait till Christmas!

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  24. Beautiful. I love the last picture--says so much. Take flight, my dear, it's your time.

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  25. This is beautiful. It's amazing how such sad days can turn into pure joy. Pure. Joy.

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  26. Awww, I love the picture of you "taking flight".....

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  27. Oh, I love this post and I love you in flight!!! Beautiful.

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  28. Glad your Halloween was full of treats.

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  29. This nearly made my heart burst open from all of the joy. So beautiful and so happy for you.

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  30. the day sounds like magic.

    so nice to hear your voice again!

    xo
    Jen

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  31. Julie, you are growing younger by the minute! I know I said it before, but motherhood becomes you. You glow.

    You made me cry. You know, the good kind.

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  32. Thank You. It's like you read my mind. Your thoughtful sentiments apply to the upcoming holiday season as well for me. Thank you again. :)

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  33. Have had this song going on loop for the past twenty minutes.

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  34. so beautiful!! I'm so happy for you guys...such a fantastic family!!

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  35. Lovely... I am so happy for you and your family. Lovely!!!

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  36. That might just be the most beautiful post I have ever read. I have children but my son is so developmentally disabled he has no idea what Halloween is. I feel so terribly sad when I watch all the "typical" kids having a blast dressing up and walking around. Maybe he will join them someday. . .

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  37. I think they should pass out print-outs of this extraordinary post at adoption orientation meetings.

    Can you believe how much one life can hold?! And that such pure and innocent happiness waits on the other side of pain? I think the Halloween family photo should go on your mantel.

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  38. So happy for you guys! Every holiday is just easier and better once you have the kids you long for. Christmas is going to blow your mind! :)

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  39. Hmmmmmm, what to say, what to say...between you and Mama Dog - I am a mess!


    You, you, you, you, you, YOU - you and always with the words and the way with the words and then more words...

    you.

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  40. Beautifully said. It was so nice to have Antone dressed up and smiling. Last Halloween was so depressing...looking forward to many more "first" holidays to bring joy!

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  41. how insanely happy. i love it. whooo hoo!

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  42. What an awesome post. Knowing that a Halloween like this is in my future makes me really happy.

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  43. this is why we love you great post

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  44. crying my eyes out with total JOY!

    and WOW what a trick you had
    - flight - bet you got a lot of treats for that one! ;)

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  45. beautiful. I sure wish that every month was NaBloPoMo for you!

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  46. You are absolutely right. I knew I had a great day on Saturday, but I hadn't remembered all the previous years until I read this post. This Halloween was so very fun because I had YEARS of celebrating to pack into one day!

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  47. Wow, I love it all but especially the flight picture!!!!!! Amazing!! You ARE flying, girl! So happy you all have each other. You're a beautiful family, and I think your hubby looks so much YOUNGER on these photos than he did last year at this time. You're all adorable.

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  48. What a great post, very moving. Someone just put a link to this on our Canada-Ethiopia Yahoo group. I think people will really relate to this post given the Bankruptcy many of us just went through which has added to the length of our journey. Great post!

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  49. Thank you for posting the link for this on FB. Sometimes it is hard to remember that there WILL be a happy ending even if I can't see it right now. I needed this reminder today.

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  50. I have read this post every year since you wrote it. It gets me through Halloween. It reminds me that there will be a some day. And hopefully soon. Thank you for writing it.

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