Tuesday, December 28, 2010

About my son, the almost two-year old...

I don’t write that many posts about Melese. There are two reasons for this, I always feel like I am gushing when I write about him, and I really can’t come up with the right words to describe how much I love him. He is the person I am closest to. I spend my days with him. At night he sleeps right next to me, his little chest rising and falling, his tiny toes digging into my rib cage.

Cute, sweet, funny, smart, he is the ultimate baby, but he is not a baby anymore. He turns two on New Year's Day. I am grateful for every single minute I’ve been lucky enough to spend with him, (even the frustrating minutes when he is standing on the coffee table, throwing my Mac onto the ground).

I think about what he has been through in his short life, and my heart hurts for him. Like a turtle, he is resilient. 

Melese’s language developed slower than I thought it would, his super chatty sister rarely lets him get a word in edgewise. It has been a great joy to hear him speak new words. Months ago, we pulled into our driveway after running errands. I turned off the car and took a deep breath (because really, isn’t the car the most relaxing spot for a new parent? I mean a parked car with your children STRAPPED in safely? You know exactly where they are, and you can just rest for a moment). It was very quiet, I took a look at the front of our house and from the backseat I heard Melese say, “Home”. It was the first time he said the word. I looked at him and smiled, “Yes Melese, you are home.”

We have been going to Music Together classes. Melese, unlike all of the other kids in the class, wonders around during the songs. Occasionally he will make it back to the circle and plop down in my lap for a moment, but for the most part he likes to explore as he learns (something to remember when we begin to choose schools for him). Toward the end of the semester, during a song called, There’s a little wheel a turning in my heart, (we always substitute, “There’s a little boy Melese in my heart” when we sing it at home) Melese walked over, grabbed both of my hands, looked into my eyes and sang to me. It was the first time he really sang. Of course I began to cry because he was just so beautiful, and his voice was so sweet, and he was singing just to me.


Melese is extremely sensitive. He is empathetic. One of my saddest days with him was when we visited a friend who was having her hair done. Like almost every Ethiopian girl I know, this girl was crying while getting her braids. (Meazi cries every single time we do her hair, no matter what detangler, or conditioner we use). The cries of his friend were too much for Melese. He fell apart, completely. He was a mess for hours. It may have triggered something in him, but what it really felt like was empathy. He kept hugging and comforting his friend when her style was done. His big, gigantic, eyes still pooled with tears. 


People, Ethiopian women mostly, always tell me to cut his hair.
I cannot. Look at his curls! I will not. Yes, I know his name sounds like “Melissa,” and yes I know he is very pretty, and yes, folks think he is a girl, but I am not cutting his beautiful hair.

I know that he loves me, one of his other words is “Mommy,” or sometimes first thing in the morning when he wakes up and I am not there, “MAAAAAHHHHMAAAAAHH!!”
He is very affectionate. He loves both Steven and me. However, his person is still, and will always be…

His sister. She is it for him. She is his person. After we take her to school, every single time we leave the house between 8 and 2:30 he says, “Get Meazi?” When the blessed time finally arrives, we go and sit in the parking lot, waiting for her to come around the corner. The minute he sees her he bolts across the lot, running and shouting, “Meazi! Meazi Meazi!” He throws his arms around her eliciting a collective “Awwwww, from the teachers and other students.” It is, indeed an Awwww inducing moment. Meazi smiles and we trundle off to the car together, his posture showing a new relief that she is finally, at long last, back within arm's reach.


I could write one thousand posts about Melese, about what it means to me to be his mother. What a gift it is to be his mother. I hope I can say what I am going to say next without sounding like an entitled asshole. Here goes:

When you wait for something for so long, when you want something so much that the longing for it permeates every pore and fiber of your being, when you are a woman who wants, and tries for a baby for a full decade, to be given an opportunity to parent a baby, this baby, well, then you are humbled, and grateful, and really, really, happy.

On the day of our very last music class, the instructor played a lullaby on her guitar. Melese had been wandering around the room, not really paying too much attention. When the lullaby started he first sat in my lap, and then he got up and went around to each child in the class. He walked up to each one of them, gently reached out his hand and stroked their heads, one by one, around the circle. I cried again, as did some of the other moms. It was a moment as sweet as Melese himself.

Happy early Birthday my beautiful son. Being your mother has been the single most redemptive experience of my entire life. I love you.

46 comments:

  1. Are you kidding me? Gorgeous curls. Beautiful boy. Priceless post. Made me cry before bed. pththth

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  2. Oh my. That was breathtakingly beautiful. And so exciting to me to hear about your little boy. He is indeed lovely and beautiful. In so many ways.... the lullaby image? Truly breaks my heart.

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  3. How many times have I left the simple word "crying" in response to something you write?

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  4. Beautiful words. Beautiful boy.

    Happy Birthday Melese!

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  5. I am a closet reader, but just have to say, from one mom of a son (that loves him more than life itself) to another, that was an amazing post!

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  6. Oh my. That is beautiful. People are always telling me how "lucky" Ava is to have us. No. We are the lucky ones. Can you imagine life without these little treasures that we have been given?
    P.S. I really like his curls! :)

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  7. He is beautiful, but I think he is ALL boy and would never mistake him for a girl. I wouldn't cut his hair either. I love watching him when we get together....the lullaby sweetness reminds me of when he was holding Jordan's hand last week. He is truly an amazing boy and I love to hear you gush about being his maaahmaahh.

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  8. Beautiful. And, crying. Again.

    Thank-you for this Julie. I am sitting here in our office at 6:30 in the morning as Quinn is doing his medicine, the machine is buzzing and he's reading jokes from his joke book. Every half sentence I have to stop and say something like "I don't know, why did the bubble gum cross the road" and still I sit here crying at the beauty of your words.

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  9. Beautiful words, beautiful boy. I agree, keep the curls.

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  10. Go ahead and write a million zillion posts about your kids. They're beautiful. I cried too when I read the last part about the lullaby in music class.

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  11. I really can't put into words anything coherent. Mostly I want to just say how deeply happy I am for you.

    PS - Quinn did that wandering thing during his first music class - it's a sign of genius:) Pick the right school.

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  12. A beautiful tribute to your beautiful boy!

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  13. Oh, man..how am I going to explain these tears at my desk today? :)
    Beautiful post, and I get it 100%. Someone told me once that little boys love their mommas, but I had NO idea how much mommas love their little boys until I experienced it myself.

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  14. Oh my gosh, this was so beautiful! I love learning more about your sweet, beautiful boy. His personality sounds absolutely delightful. Happy birthday, little man!

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  15. Crying (doesn't that go without saying these days?). I agree, don't cut those curls. Being a mom to a son, it is beyond words. I love what you said about it being redemptive. Manny still kind of wanders during his music lesson (piano). Sometimes it just never goes away. Love this.

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  16. Wow...my first visit back to blogs and I read this one and start crying the ugly cry??? It's great to be back ;) And I too would never cut that beautiful hair!!!
    xoxo

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  17. I loved reading this. He and you are beautiful, and I am so glad you found your way to each other. Definitely don't cut the curls!

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  18. Beautiful. Melese. You. This. xoxo M.

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  19. Being late to read this post is like being the last one to sign the group, office Birthday card. How many ways are there to say Happy Birthday? How many ways are there to say Love His Curls, Beautiful, and Thanks?

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  20. oh geez. sniffle sniffle. Now I want a little boy too. But he'd have to be a clone of Melese.

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  21. I can't take it...really I can't. You're killing me. Like Gladys Knight sings "softly with those words." I've been crying alot this week and this was just well, let's just say the cuppeth spilleth over with mounds of tears. Score another one for the Word Church of Julie.

    I wouldn't cut that hair either!
    Happy birthday beautiful Melese and his beautiful family.

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  22. gah! you got me... crying :). good, deep cry.
    sammy is soooo much like Melese. so much. And also? don't worry, he'll always be your baby. Sammy tells me this every day. "mommy, i'm your baby." (and he's proving it by not potty training ;).
    happy birthday to your precious son!

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  23. I was secretly hoping you would do a post on your beautiful boy! I agree with everyone else, keep the curls! I wish I could express my feelings on the computer like you do. You write so beautifully and thoughtfully.

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  24. Seeing the two of you together every day is a treat. I've started calling you—all four of you—"my family" because one can see the love that surrounds you. Your little man is something special . . . as is your little girl. But it's those eyes of his that just get to me.

    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!!

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  25. thank you for sharing. melkam lidet Melese.

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  26. Happy birthday little boy! So glad you all found each other!

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  27. Wow Julie. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your little man's light with us.

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  28. oh, I lurrrve it!

    I've been wondering when you were going to write more about your little man. It was worth waiting for.

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  29. oh I love his hair, I would be very sad if I were to log on and see a picture of him sans curls.

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  30. Big. Heaving. Cathartic. Sobs. Happy early birthday to a beautiful boy and his beautiful Mom. xoxo

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  31. Beautiful post.

    Oh, try a tangle teezer on his hair. You can get them online or at Sally's. Makes hair time 8000x better with my girls!

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  32. Sigh. Sniff. Repeat.
    Not to focus on a single part of the post, but Sam's hair is now 9 inches long and people (my mother especially) tell me to cut it, and it doesn't help that Sam is also short for Samantha and he has long eye lashes, full lips and very "pretty" features.
    I will celebrate his crazy curly wonky hair because it is just like Sam. I will cut it when he's 15 and asks me to. Not a moment before.
    Happy birthday Melese!

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  33. Do. Not. Cut. His. Hair.

    Beautiful post Julie!

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  34. Ah, beautiful as always. Feliz birthdays to both M and S!

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  35. Just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

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  36. What a beautiful tribute, Julie. And I stand in solidarity with you on the hair, mama. Happy birthday, Melese, from your plane buddies.

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  37. What an amazing love note to your sweet boy this is. It is such a miracle that we get to guide these amazing little people in this world. Love how you express yourself so completely and beautifully.

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  38. Ohhhhhh. My heart swells so with your beautiful words and it knows so much of what you describe. Your boy sounds incredible. So happy for you, Julie.

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  39. Oh my gosh, my tears. This is beautiful.

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  40. Keep the curls!!! :) And share the secret to their gorgeous texture! My son's hair is getting longer and longer and I'm always looking for better products... Your son is absolutely beautiful inside and out-- keep gushing!:)

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  41. What a beautiful story of love.

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