Mother and Child.

I've been thinking a lot about mothers lately. It is obvious why I am thinking about them so much. My mother was just here visiting for a week, and Steven has been in Arizona with his mom since the beginning of the summer.

In spite of my feeling like a walking Cymbalta commercial, I thought I'd share my thoughts.

I have been thinking a lot about life and death; about beauty and ugliness, about joy and sadness, about how we live, and how we die.(Great, you're probably thinking, just what I need on a beautiful summer day! Feel free to click on one of my links at the right to avoid these subjects all together).

I wonder how we, as humans, continue to go on. How we manage to pick up the pieces and move forward. How knowing what we know, and seeing what we see, we are able to continue to live.

(Holy Crap. Please don't pull my dossier, I am just a little bit down. I am just reaching out a bit here).

Let's talk about the good, the beautiful....


My mom....

My mom. I love my mom. She is great. She is smart, and funny, and kind. I know it might sound strange for a woman of my age to say, but having my mom in the next room for seven days was so reassuring.

My mom was inundated with all things Ethiopian while she was here.


She ate it up,(well most of it, the wat was too spicy). She is very interested in Ethiopia, and her future grandchildren. She even attended Pip's Birthday party...

She listened to my political pleas....

She made me laugh out loud. We had gone to Barnes and Noble. She had a gift card from a student, that was burning a hole in her pocket. On our way out of the store, THIS MAN thought we were following him. He said,"Hello ladies." He had just been signing copies of his book at the B&N Store. I said, " Don't worry,we aren't stalking you." He said, "I have lots of experience with that!" Then he quickly introduced himself. My mom introduced herself back...

"I'm T.C." (T.C has been my mom's name since she was a kid.) John gave her a look and she said...

"Top Cat."

Later I called her Top Cat, and started laughing. Here in LA, if you introduce yourself as Top Cat you might as well break out the pasties because you are obviously a stripper. My mom said, "No! Top Cat! You know the cartoon."

Here is Top Cat, my new favorite cartoon character...



When I dropped my mom off at the airport on Monday,I immediately began to weep. Would that be the last time I spent with my 'healthy' mom? How long do I have left with my parents? Why do we live so far away from each other?


So often during her visit, I imagined what was going on in Phoenix. I saw these and thought of Chris...


I saw this and thought of my husband...

It's hard to see. It is the 'Sisyphus' watch. I think that you would agree that my husband is having a Sisyphean summer.

My husband and his mother are spending time together too. Their time is weighted, heavy, and sad. I hear my husband use the words, 'disappointing', and 'futile'. I hear the weariness in his voice, and the sadness in his heart. I wonder how we hold on, and what makes us want to continue.

I feel like I am about to break, and then I see something else...

I see mothers.

I see mothers and children...

I see the strong , single mom and her daughter...


I see the sensitive mom and her son...

I see the mom who just threw a great first Birthday party for her six year old...


I meet a mom who chose Ethiopia because she could adopt an infant, but on the way her heart swells and she adopts a Habi, a Habi who was waiting just for her...


I read about a mom who handles a setback with grace. I read about a mom who inspires me to run.

I hear the sweet voice of a new mom, reassuring her new babies in their first language.

I meet another mom,who is also a Julie in Los Angeles...


I meet this mom, who wrangles two small body surfers without even blinking.

I meet a mom who is as strong, as she is tall.

I peek into the lives of Cindy, and Rana and Evelyn; I meet Courtney, Jana, and Heather.

I see that they too, like me, are moms in their hearts.

I think about these strong women, and the other women out there,(in my life, in cyberspace, on my blogroll), and I think about how beautiful motherhood, and I hope you don't mind me saying this, but especially adoptive motherhood is. Thinking about this brings me a flash of joy, a smidgen of optimism, a hope for the future.

I also think about my husband and what a great father he will be. I think about my parents and how lucky I am to know them. I resist the urge to write something here like,"Go call your parents! Tell them you love them!"

Okay, so maybe I don't resist the urge.

Go call your parents. Tell them you love them.



I think about what kind of mom I'll be. (Right now that would be the ill-tempered, quick to anger, weepy mom.)





I think about my mother-in law.

I think about her sons. I think about her life. I think about how life seems futile and unfair. I think about what an amazing job she did raising her sons.

I worry and I weep. I wonder what they will do without her, what I will do without her. I know that we don't have much time.

I hold on.

I think of you.

I borrow your strength.

I Hope you don't mind.