Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Road Ahead.

I am looking forward to saying goodbye to this year. Good Riddance. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

I know this blog has been 'Blogger Lite' for the past couple of months, but I feel like I can't say what I want to say, and what I do want to say is depressing and negative anyway, and who really wants to read that.

Instead, I will tell you a little bit more about our trip. We (or I guess I should say I) decided that we couldn't deal with Christmas at home. We have always gotten a big tree, decorated, shopped, baked etc. I couldn't see that happening. Steven has been very sad about his mom. Seeing him like this makes me feel awful. We left all the ornaments we have collected over the years in their storage boxes, and made plans to descend on our best friends.

It was a good idea.

My parents were going to be in Santa Fe too. They are building a house there. Marc designed it.

This is the road to the house...

This is what happens when you try to drive down said road...

Several hours of forced bonding for Steven and my dad as they waited for a tow. Three different towing companies said it was too difficult, so they dug out themselves. It took HOURS. Luckily Steven was quickly warmed...

I threw a party for Steven's Birthday on Saturday...

It was supposed to be a surprise, but I blew it in the first week of planning. It was still nice. I think he enjoyed it. He has friends in Santa Fe that he has known for twenty years.

We managed to get out for a drive one day. We ended up here...

Here is why you want to avoid the wild dogs of Northern New Mexico...

Can you see what he was gnawing on? Yep, cow skull. Yikes.

Speaking of wild dogs...

Our goddaughter loves Ted. She hugs and kisses him constantly and calls him 'Teddy Bear.' Unfortunately the Ted outstayed his welcome when he lifted his leg, and let out a full stream of piss directly into one of her play tea cups. It was as if the Vet had asked him for a specimen. Lovely.

It was good to get away. I thought about our adoption a lot, but really only in regards to how much our friends' lives have moved forward. Their children are growing up quickly. They will be talking about colleges while we will be dealing with things they learned years ago. The 'arc of life' as Steven calls it. Ours seems out of whack. Your parents are supposed to know and enjoy their grandchildren, not be dead and gone before they get here. Ms. morose!

Don't think for one minute that I took for granted how lucky I am to have my parents alive, healthy, and with me. I didn't.

Today is Steven's actual birthday. This morning he woke up at 4:30 am. He had a nightmare so horrific that it woke him up. I am hopeful that it was just because we watched 'Solent Green' last night.

My sweet husband. My wish for the new year is that his grief is lifted, and that he remembers all the wonderful times he had with his mom.

Oh yeah, and that proposal thing wouldn't hurt either.

Happy New Year.


  1. The picture at the top of the post made me laugh because it's strikingly similar to a picture I have of my father driving down the road, sunglasses on, pack of cigarettes in the visor, and me (about a year old or so), in the back seat but leaning over the seat with one hand on my father's shoulder, looking out at the road ahead with him, with my thumb in my mouth.

    Here's to no more detours on the road ahead for 2009!

  2. I am glad you got away and had such a great time with friends. I hope this year brings only joy for you guys. I look forward to being a part of watching it all unfold. Happy birthday to Steven and Happy New Year!!

  3. Here's hoping 2009 is so much better than 2008 in so many ways. I'm sorry you can't blog about the things you really want to. I hope you find an outlet for that stuff. Hugs!

  4. Happy New Year, and I know that 2009 will be such a radical change for you guys - only good things coming your way!


  5. Here's to 2009 - hoping it holds all the joy and happiness you both deserve!!!!
    Happy Happy New Year!!!

  6. Julie,

    I would read anything you would blog about, just so you know. Happy Birthday to Steven! Grief, it's awful, can't go over, under, or around it, must go through. I feel for him, you, too. New Mexico looks great. 2009 has something wonderful in store for you both. Going to friends house for Christmas was smart. Friends cut grief in half. Best to you in 2009!


  7. I do hope it is a good feeling to wake up to a new year this morning! You did have such a rough year and I know holidays, firsts, birthdays make it much more difficult. I am sorry. I am so glad you got away. I am so glad you had some unexpected adventures - both breathtaking and some for the memory books. I am so glad you looking at the year ahead and the new possibilities it holds. Hugs.

  8. What a beautiful New Year's post. I was hoping you'd write more about your trip - your parents sound like mine. Tell them they need a snowcat. Although, my dad just pointed out the spot where he ran the cat off the road and needed a bigger cat to get him out...

  9. I wish for both of you to have 2009 heal your grief and see the dream of a family come true!

    P.S. Soylent Green is made of PEOPLE!!! No wonder he had nightmares!

  10. 2009 is going to be your year. I know it will.

  11. 2009 IS going to be your year.

    We thought we were out of synch too until we had Quinn. But instead our lives just encircled another wonderful group of people who were having their first children in their 30's and 40's (and 50's!) too. Plus, those with older children will dote on your little ones with a wistfulness that takes your breath away.

    Thanks for the dog/tea cup/ specimen tale! Laugh out loud funny.

    You guys will make the best parents - you are such smart people relying on your friends and parents.

    I love all the you write about - nothing is really small in life.

  12. Thanks for your encouraging comment today. I appreciate it. Funny I've been following your posts for a while and I almost left a comment this morning after reading this one. I don't know you,so forgive the assumptions here. After a while of resonating some heartache after reading your posts... it sounds, ever so slightly, that you are on the cusp of a new light in your life. Like things are about to turn around. I wish that for you. And wish you only happiness, peace and joy for 2009.

  13. It's impossible not to sound like a creep saying this, but you are like the woman women dream of being when they grow up. For all the pain and sadness here, you lead always always always with humor. Ms. Morose my foot! Also, your pups are top notch, especially the one with the wit to leave a dignified pee specimen. And (bloggo creepo alert!), your husband is fiiiiiine.

    I'm all in favor of kicking this year to the curb. Suck on it 2008! You're yesterday's news! But what might await in 2009. Every time I check your blog (creep!) and I see the question Would You Place Children with this Person..., I shout—I imagine in unison with the rest of the blogging community—"yes! yes! any and all!" at the computer. This New Year's Day I'm toasting the humans you and your man will raise up right in this sad and happy world.

  14. Buh-bye '08! I'm so excited for what this year holds and really look forward to meeting your children. Happy 2009!

  15. I hope and wish so much for you and Steven in '09, that his grief does lift, that you receive a proposal, that you continue to enjoy beautiful relationships with loved ones...

    Who was it that said Hope is the first and foremost human instinct?

    We think of you guys very often.

    Sending you some Bob L. kisses...


  16. What's cool about the road ahead, is it is already the road you are on!! Happy Hoppy and HipHip Hooray New Year!

  17. " sounds, ever so slightly, that you are on the cusp of a new light in your life."

    That from ShannonC, how sweetly put. I think you are right.


  18. Oh yeah, I hear you!! Bye bye 2008 and don't let that door hit you! On the blogger-lite, too... If only I could lay it all out there.

    This is going to be your year, my friend. I'm hoping for a little of the same myself.

  19. Santa Fe looks stunning! What a great idea to get away and be with people you love and who love you!
    You may want to sock me for saying this, but I really, really believe that everything happens exactly when it's supposed to and that includes your proposal. The timing will be perfect! And it will be THIS YEAR!! What a big year 2009 is going to be!
    You may think you are negative, but I totally disagree with you! You are very positive and funny and a joy to be around! You seem so grateful for everyhing you have. Life gets hard and you're honest about it. That's not negative.
    You two will be FANTASTIC parents!! I look forward to all that lies ahead this year! Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to Steven!
    XOXO Julie O.

  20. Happy New Year and Happy Birthday Steven. I have been wondering what your trip was like -thanks for filling us in.