Thursday, July 2, 2009

Countdown to Court: One

I had several ideas for a picture today. It felt wrong to just post a picture.

I needed to talk with you, my extended family. You have helped me get here, to this day. Thank you.

Tonight, on a late Wednesday evening, I think about the pictures that I was considering posting.

I thought I would post a photo of a Redwood tree and tell you something that Steven said to our social worker in 2007,

“Julie and I are a like a tree, our roots are deep but our branches are thin. We need more branches.”

One tree.

I thought about posting a picture of a family member whom I love very much, who once, when very frustrated with us said, “You and Steven are such a….such a….UNIT!!!”

And we are. We are a unit.

One unit.

I thought about posting a picture of a kite I picked up for Ms. M at a garage sale. Steven was in the middle of our street the other day, flying this kite. I haven’t seen him fly a kite in over ten years.

One kite.

I thought about posting a picture of the baby hawk who starting living in our yard about two weeks before we got our proposal. Our neighbor said that it was the first time in forty years that he had seen a baby hawk in this neighborhood.

One hawk.

I thought about posting a picture of an idyllic beach scene, and have it represent one plea, (prayer being too strong a word for this agnostic), just a plea; a plea we make to the universe to bring us closer to these two remarkable children.

One plea.

I thought about posting a song. Maybe the Jackson Browne song where he sings, “I’m gonna be a happy idiot…” because that is how I feel lately, like a happy idiot… so very happy.

One song.

But instead, no pictures, no songs.

Just me here, right now, filled with so many emotions. So many emotions.

My head is full of images from a care center in Addis Ababa. My mind is reeling. My heart is racing. I forget to eat. I wake up at 4 am. I count down the days.

I also feel like I have a secret, a secret that many of you share. I feel like shouting,

Hey you! Yeah You! Listen, do you want to have a really intense experience that changes your entire life? Do you want to feel more happiness than you ever thought possible? Do you want to fall in love with a country that is beautiful and proud and strong? Do you want to meet some of the most amazing children on the planet? You do?

Then adopt from Ethiopia.

Start a blog.

Find your family.

Find your friends.

Let go.

Fall in love.

Begin again.

One secret.


For those of you who asked if I was going to share their pictures…

Of course.

You are their family too. Without you, and your support, this mom would have never found her way to them. Thank you.

One thank you.

76 comments:

  1. You are something else. Beautiful.

    Christine

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful post! It is beautiful and well said. I will be thinking of you, and the two little ones tonight into tomorrow. Can't wait until there is news that you are ONE family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So many emotions from reading this post. And thank YOU for letting us be a part of this journey. Thank YOU for letting us see what a beautiful soul you are. Thank YOU for helping us understand just what an amazing unit you and Steven are. Thank YOU for letting us anticipate the arrival of these sweet little ones.

    Rebecca

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lots of tears here in VT.
    This is so beautiful, Julie.
    Come on home, kiddos, it's gonna be GOOD!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I knew I would cry and yet I still didn't grab a tissue before reading this. I just feel good about this, Julie. I really, really do. I am sending the most positive thoughts and love your way. I cannnot wait until tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awww, love this Julie. We're all glad we found you. Off to light a special candle.

    Cindy

    ReplyDelete
  7. Why do I torture myself by reading your posts on the train to New York City when I know I will be sniffling and whipping snot from my face as all the other commuters try to figure out what has me crying day after day on the train? Why do I do it?

    I cannot help myself.

    We are all one. We all share one secret. It is sad that it is a secret but there you go.

    Thank-you for sharing your life, your love and your secrets.

    Your children will blossom in ways unimaginable. All that love, beauty and wisdom.

    Many blessings for the four of you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. One hug, friend. May the next 24 hours move swiftly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm crying so hard that Charie came up and asked if I was okay.

    I agree. One family. TODAY!!

    All our love, from one family of four...to another.

    ReplyDelete
  10. okay, now, THIS is my favourite of these posts.

    And yeah - get the Tshirt!! You can wear it after your kids come home and feel happy that you've moved away from Liminal State to somewhere much, much better :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I feel it Julie...I am teary eyed and waiting for this universe to shift and make a family that will make the sun shine brighter. I love the word plea. Where have you been all my life? I have always used the word prayer but feel like plea fits so much better. I'm rambling. I'm nervous. I'm excited. Something amazing could happen very soon. Something extraordinary.

    Theresa

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm UGLY crying into my morning coffee! OH goodness, what a gift it is to call you friend. And what a delight it will be to hear M&m call you mom and Mr. Rugged Handsome, dad.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow!!! I haven't even had my coffee yet and the tears are flowing. Oh Julie, I am so happy for you guys. It's nice to know that there is happiness toward the end of this adoption journey. My thoughts are with you and your children. I can't wait to see their beautiful faces :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Lovely!!! Fingers crossed for tomorrow! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh gal,

    We're all waiting with you today, the four of you....one family.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ONE AMAZING CHICK. Tomorrow's your day!
    xoxoxoxxo

    ReplyDelete
  17. so happy to be getting to know you!!!! so thrilled for you. thank you for sharing so much of yourself...for taking that risk. what courage you have. can't wait to meet you someday. fingers crossed for today/tomorrow.....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just beautiful. You really are something else. Thank you for letting us share in your journey through all the highs and the lows. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about all of this. Going to be a blog and facebook and forum stalker tomorrow waiting for the good news. Hang in there Mama, tomorrow will be here before you know it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I do so love this family of four.

    ONE.

    ReplyDelete
  20. you rule, my friend

    we all love you too, thanks for sharing your thoughts and dreams with all of us...you reflect where we've been and where we're going and always say it so perfectly

    best best wishes for the rest of the process but remember, enjoy each and every moment, they are precious - themia

    ReplyDelete
  21. Crossing my fingers, holding my breath, sending strong wishes into the universe for you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This post just made my day, I can't wait for you to shout out the great news tomorrow......We will be thinking about you and sending special thoughts your way tonight...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Plea is perfect (fellow agnostic)
    Time will move very slowly....and yet it somehow rushes by as well...Its been over a year since we first blog-connected. You help me stay above water with your writing, I take solace in it....so happy for you both, the best is truly, truly yet to come my friend, my sister....

    ReplyDelete
  24. I love this. And I love the secret. What an amazing journey this is an what an amazing family you have. Lucky to be a part of it. Peace. Love and ONE.

    ReplyDelete
  25. mmm, so much emotion...wow! makes me think of one love...one, big, big love.

    "one love, one heart, lets get together and it will be alright!"
    ~bob marley

    sending your much love as you make your way through this last day of waiting for your one family to be officially complete!

    ReplyDelete
  26. You took the words right out of my soul. How do you do that? Thinking of you a lot today, sending my pleas to the universe as well ...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Such a beautiful post! This is the best community anywhere. Know you are not alone, you have many standing in the gap for you as the judge in Ethiopia officially, legally declares you a mom and dad!

    Can't wait to celebrate with you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wow. Beautiful words. Such a beautiful mama. A beautiful soul. Will be thinking of all the members of your powerful unit.

    *I agree with the use of plea :) Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I got the chills reading your post. So incredible. You're right...the process is an entirely unexpected gift. Often difficult, but beautiful. Can't wait for great news tomorrow (and their beautiful faces!!)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Lovely, wonderful post, Julie. And I completely agree: if you want the love in your world to expand exponentially, then adopt from Ethiopia.
    I'll be thinking about you tonight and tomorrow, with hope and love.

    ReplyDelete
  31. You're making me cry again...!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Amazing Julie. We are thinking of you all!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. This should be published. This should be shouted from a mountain top. This should be sung into the Grand Canyon.

    I have lit a candle for you and your family. It's the same one I had lit for days at a time while we waited to hear back from our agency regarding our son and our passing. It sits on our dining room table and fills the room with light (it's that big).

    I am hugging you from afar, dear one. Hugging you from afar.

    ReplyDelete
  34. thank you for sharing your secrets with us!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Becoming a mom is so amazing. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. You'll be holding your sweet children soon.

    ReplyDelete
  36. oh Julie... i know! I just know. wow... court eve. I'm rooting for you, hoping for you, pleading for you... all of it... and I can't wait to "meet" your children :). And, Zach and I have been accused of being "too much of a unit" too... by a family member who wanted in. Sort of a funny complaint, aint it? :).
    Your unit is growing...
    love love love!
    becca

    ReplyDelete
  37. Wow. That was and is something amazing. My universe if flooded over here w/ love for you and your soon-to-be legit family.

    ReplyDelete
  38. one candle lit tonight for 6 souls (two small, two big, two canine).

    one dandelion blow for one GREAT phone call

    one breath held by a billion "real" friends

    one refresh button continually hit by a trillion 'virtual" friends

    one star wished upone that your hope of "one day" is only ONE. DAY. AWAY.
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox-Kat

    ReplyDelete
  39. Okay, that just made me cry. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Love- it is all love- made of love, full of love, surrounded by love. Thank you for bringing us all together. Thank you for eyes opened and all that then becomes possible. We are all with you. We are all waiting for them. We are all making a plea to the universe.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I know these feelings you described. This adoption journey IS amazing! Thanks for the beautiful post. Look forward to hearing good news from you tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  42. You did it again Julie. Tears.:)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Oh, I can't wait to see the picture. One beautiful picture.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I read this this morning and cried, and then saved it to come back to later...now it's later and I'm crying again...I just love that you are still thinking of US out here when you think about THEM over there, and I love the beautiful images you thought about posting but the words are even better, and I love what a big happy family we've all become!

    I'm going away for the weekend and may not be able to check in to find out how your court date went until Monday, but I will be thinking of you all weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Melodious Mama beat me to the one love quote. I'm really going to miss your blog while you are in Ethiopia and then transitioning into your new life.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Beautiful Julie...sending every ounce of good luck your way. I can't wait to see this blog plastered with those beautiful faces!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Beautifully said...all the luck and love in the world to you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  48. I've been following your blog for months. Your secret cheerleader/stalker/whatever. As a follow cancer survivor and waiting adopting parent from Ethiopia I thank you for sharing your journey. Without ever meeting you in person I know that you will be amazing parents. We send much love and support your way.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Julie
    Hoping, pleading, fingers and toes crossed!!!

    ONE family - can't wait!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. So beautiful. Tonight I will be thinking of you, Steven, M, and M.....i will be hoping and praying HARD for good news tomorrow and to see the beautiful little faces of your children! This is a journey I am glad I haven't missed.
    Jenny

    ReplyDelete
  51. I like the idea of the candle. I am getting up right now to go light one! I'll grab myself one symbolic glass of wine too. But if I decide to have 2, it will be to commemorate your two beautiful children! : )
    Yeah, I'm crying too. - Julie O.

    ReplyDelete
  52. One night.

    So looking forward to seeing their lovely faces!

    Much love to you dear friend!

    ReplyDelete
  53. You are amazing-one amazig family. But why do you always make me cry?!?!?! Can't wait to see the four of you together as one family!

    ReplyDelete
  54. I was going to say, "You are amazing," but it's been said. I was going to say, "Beautiful!" and that too has been said. And I know why - because it's true. You are. Both of you. Soon to be all of you. Four. Of. You. Please please please please.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Ted just said, "Tell her, 'you rock!'" cause he knows that's a stupid thing to say. Then he followed it up by saying that this makes him want to be more thoughtful about life, relishing the moments.

    I don't know what to say. I'm honored to be your friend. This post describes exactly what this journey is, the joy found, the biggest surprise being the extended family we meet along the way. I tear up as I write this, to you my sister, a sister I love so dearly.

    Love.

    ReplyDelete
  56. And I'm pleading with you. I'm praying too. Have been for days now.

    ReplyDelete
  57. tears... praying today is the day you get to post the pictures on the ONEs you LOVE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  58. It's July 3rd in Korea...so what's the word???? Either way, we still can't wait to see their sweet faces!

    ReplyDelete
  59. 8:48 a.m. here, so I know it's only 5:48 there, but I couldn't help it. I've started compulsively checking already. Issues.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hum, yeah, me too with the compulsive checking. I've been checking my reader ALL DAY (even though I knew it was too early) and then suddenly now I've thought - but sometimes the reader is delayed by, like, twenty mintues! I can't wait all that extra time! So, here I am. At the source. Checking and checking and refreshing. And praying!!

    ReplyDelete
  61. crying already and I haven't even seen their precious faces yet! Thinking of you way over on the East Coast.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I am standing here with the laptop attached to me waiting for your news, I'm telling Olly Ash what magnificent parents you and Steven will be and I'm telling him that someday he'll meet M & m...

    Cindy

    ReplyDelete
  63. Julie, you rock- amazing post!

    I will be thinking of you guys all day today and tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I am late on this given our long day of travels to Spain. Not an hour has passed that my thoughts don't go to you both. Now that I know the ending, I am just incredibly elated and only wish we could be there to celebrate with you.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I have been researching Ethiopian Adoption for months, just sitting on the fence and trying to decide. I told myself I would make a decision before my birthday... July 5th. As I waited to share in your good news you wrote a post that seemed like it was just for me... a post that said "go for it." On a day that could not have been an easy day your message told me it was all worth it. I can't thank you enough.
    Kerry

    ReplyDelete