Monday, February 9, 2009

Taking a Break...*EDIT.

I am incredibly sad lately. I am sure it is just that insidious bastard- grief. That, coupled with the idea that there may not be any children in this house this year, has thrown me for a loop. I can also feel the self-loathing rush in. I know I should be grateful for all that I have. SO, I will spare you my misery, and remove myself from the blogosphere (for a week at least!)

I am out of funny pictures anyway.

*Please visit Charlotte. She has a lovely idea. I am thinking of submitting this post. What do you think?
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52 comments:

  1. Ranavan February 9, 2009 at 1:09 PM

    I will miss you Julie! I understand though - for all my positive quotes and pumping-my-self-up posts...I have days where I am drowing in sorrow.

    Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with panic that we won't ever have kids in the house...

    Take a break, recharge and we'll see you soon

    Hugs so tight you can't breathe,

    Rana
    P.S. What is the weather like down in L.A. this time of year - we need to get out of town - now!

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  2. TimFebruary 9, 2009 at 1:18 PM

    If you're ever in need of an easy smile, here's a video that makes me feel like all is right in the world.

    No babies of baby paraphernalia involved.

    http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-news-anchors-do-during-commercial.html

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  3. CarolynFebruary 9, 2009 at 1:18 PM

    I wish I could make you feel better but all I can say is "I understand just how you feel and it sucks"- this roller coaster ride is a hard one that is for sure. I also panic at times and think that it will never happen. BUT- it will- not as fast as we would like it though. Hope your little break helps. I am always here to listen.

    Carolyn

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  4. InventingLizFebruary 9, 2009 at 1:19 PM

    You can take a break as long as you promise to come back. Better yet, promise to come back with funny pictures.

    Miss you already,
    --Liz

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  5. CathyFebruary 9, 2009 at 1:32 PM

    Julie-- I miss you already. I get it though. Hang in there and know you are loved and will be greatly missed. Promise to come back?? I love all those fun pictures and your words of wisdom. Sending a hug from a few thousand miles away.

    xoxoxo
    Cathy

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  6. RachelFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    But if you don't write sad depressing posts, what will I have to read in the hospital waiting room?!?! I NEED sad depressing thoughts:-) Thanks for all the good thoughts today.

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  7. Blog ShmogFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    I'm so sorry you are feeling so low Julie. :( :( Really really sorry. :(

    I will pray for you to be filled with peace and that the break you take from here will be really good for you.

    Hang in there...

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  8. filoliFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    "uh oh," she said...

    and there was a great revolt in blogland because their fearless raconteur Eyes of My Eyes grew tired from the longest of all blue days…then some miracle of community spread throughout the pipes and tubes of blogland and its’ citizens pressed on, missing her deeply, missing her smile, missing her warmth, missing her soul…but sometimes in the stillness something wonderful takes root and blooms, slowly blogland was able to show their beloved raconteur good and bad and love and smiles and blistering honesty…and this made Eyes of My Eyes very happy…and soon Eyes of My Eyes was not just entertained and pleased but found her silver tongue dancing and begging to speak…and then one day the clouds parted and there was a great splitting light that shown through and Eyes of My Eyes told the greatest of all stories…

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  9. rebekahFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:33 PM

    Yikes, following filoli is a dumb thing to do. I don't know her... clearly I should!

    Re what post to give to Charlotte. I like that one a lot. A lot. You have so many representative ones, send more! Send the one(s) you want bound as your history in this amazing blogland/adoptionland thing.

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  10. los cazadoresFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:41 PM

    Sniff, sniff. I am sad for you that you are sad. Wish I could do something to get you in better spirits. Like send you a giant Toblerone and some red hots. Or a bottle of Drambuie. That would make you forget the ills. :) j/k.

    Big hugs,

    Cindy

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  11. -CFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    First. Take all the time you need away from us. Sometimes it is good to take a step back and dis-immerse (not a real word, I don't think) ourselves from the daily reminders. You are truly in the hardest phase of this journey right now. Hang in there Julie.

    And YES to THAT post. I was secretly hoping you would submit that post among other post that I will wait to hound you about- because you have a way with saying what we all have felt or thought at some point.

    Thinking of you.

    Charlotte

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  12. JenniferFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    Also, submit 'Thoughts on Twelve Months" and "Let Us".....my favs....
    ps a week may be too long for the ethioblogosphere.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I Love Purple More Than YouFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    I'm sorry you are sad. Why do you think you guys won't have children home this year? Aren't you guys at the top of the list?

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  14. Kat & StacyFebruary 9, 2009 at 3:30 PM

    oh...this makes me so sad... and it's not like the LA weather is doing anything to help lift your spirits! But I understand. Totally. I'm here if you feel a desire to go shopping for shoes or martini's or chocolate or some idiom cards ... In the meantime I'll keep thinking good, loving, sunshiny happy thoughts for you and SLO... xoxo-Kat
    ps--I vote for the post you mention and either the first 12 stages post or the newly updated one...

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  15. HolliFebruary 9, 2009 at 3:30 PM

    A another year???? my stomach just DROPPED for you....and me (sorry I am working on being selfish!)
    Praying that you are lifted up in your break and agree with the rest you must find more funny pictures - they lift me/us up!!!

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  16. Danni and TommyFebruary 9, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    I'm so sorry your heart hurts.

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  17. HeatherFebruary 9, 2009 at 3:46 PM

    Julie... I am so sad to hear that you are so sad! Since taking a break from blogging will give you a lot more free time I think we need to go on a little day trip somewhere... what do you say?? Me, you and Mimi! Let's do it!

    xoxo
    H.

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  18. jenFebruary 9, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    oh honey, I'm so sorry. love you love you love you.

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  19. QBFebruary 9, 2009 at 4:59 PM

    If you go the way of the swerl, I will, of course, forgive you. But I will also hunt you down and follow along somehow. I've been staring at this comment box now for at least 10 minutes, completely at a loss for words. I just don't want you to be so sad. I don't know why it would be another year, and my heart is breaking for you.

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  20. ChristineFebruary 9, 2009 at 5:10 PM

    Oh girl, I am so sorry you are sad. But I get the need to retreat for a while. You know, sometimes it is just better to "be" the way you are feeling rather than sublimating your energy or denying your feelings or running from it.....or submit your favorite tactic here. It's so hard for a cyber-friend not to want you to feel better, though. Is the weather sucking? February sucks, we should get rid of it and move straight to March. (Did I just almost hijack your post and start a rant about the dregs of winter? Sorry.....)

    Christine

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  21. CindyFebruary 9, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    :(
    So sorry for sadness.
    I like that post a lot! I also really loved your 12 month of waiting post. I passed it on to my friends to help them understand the waiting thing. It was a beauty.I hope you have a wonderful week. You will be missed in blogland.

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  22. JessFebruary 9, 2009 at 6:52 PM

    I'm sorry your feeling down...

    for what to send Charlotte, you must include this one!

    http://theeyesofmyeyesareopened.blogspot.com/2009/01/thougths-at-twelve-months-or-fifteen.html

    It was so right on! Every feeling, every emotion! Hearing that you were feeling the exact same things as I am, well it made me feel like I wasn't the only one in crazy town!

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  23. Adoption CubedFebruary 9, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    I am glad you are taking a break if you feel like you need one. I am glad you are doing this for yourself. I know, the weight can be too much. Take YOUR time.

    Know that we hold you close. Know that we will be waiting for you with open arms when you are ready.

    Take care of you!
    xoxo
    Rebecca

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  24. veggiemomFebruary 9, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    I'm so sorry things are so rough right now. I know no words make it better but know that I'm thinking about you and hope you find peace very soon.

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  25. hazelFebruary 9, 2009 at 7:39 PM

    It's bloody contagious - the cracking, the breaking, and the need for a break from the hell of it!!

    Julie, we will all miss you while you're gone. But we will see you on the flip side - the side where the sun has started to peak out again from amongst the dark clouds.

    ((HUGS))

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  26. NicholasFebruary 9, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    Waiting FUNK just plain sucks. There is nothing anybody can say or do to cure it. The only thing you want is "it"... THE CALL.

    In my deep,dark self pity of waiting the only thing that would lift me up was the blog community and the hope and wisdom it provided. Without it, I'd have gone mad (well, I kinda have anyway but that's a different story.)

    Take a break from blogging. And remember why you are here at this point in your life. Take stock in that and keep the faith that there IS a reason for the wait. If Tessa hadn't come to us I can't imagine our lives. And she was three. It took nine months for our call!! Hello! The angels were aligning everything. Don't you see? Somewhere things are happening that you're not even aware of. And it's heartbreaking on one end. But your child/children need to come to you when the time is perfect. When your children are ready.

    Try to take some solace in that. I know it's impossible, but it's true. You'll see....

    xo Lor

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  27. paigeFebruary 9, 2009 at 9:49 PM

    Take a break, girlie, but come back soon. Selfishly, we don't like to wait either...

    That is definitely a Charlotte post if ever I read one.

    xo

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  28. LeahFebruary 10, 2009 at 3:07 AM

    Take a break but make it short b/c I need you in my life and I don't live in CA :). Please send your entire blog to be published especially the funny pictures (I know there are more your just sad today).
    ILY IMY (even though we've never met), SWAK!!!
    L

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  29. KateFebruary 10, 2009 at 7:11 AM

    Hang in there my little big sister. Do something to distract yourself, like take a trip to the Midwest!

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  30. knFebruary 10, 2009 at 7:13 AM

    Take a break. What will you advise your children to do when they have their own struggles. You will most likely say something like - be kind to yourself - treat yourself like your best friend - take a walk, eat some chocolate, watch a sad movie and allow yourself to feel all of it. There will be a moment where you look up and feel a bit better.

    When I get to that feel a bit better moment I read a book by a comedian a like, watch a funny movie and listen to my favorite comedy CD.s. But only when I'm ready.

    We're with you.

    ReplyDelete
  31. mslFebruary 10, 2009 at 9:56 AM

    Hey Julie -I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Wish there was something I could do to cheer you up. Would you ever consider a road trip out to beautiful Simi (I know an oxymoron but I'm trying to make it sound tempting) We'd love to spend the day with you!

    M.

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  32. ClaireFebruary 10, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    Its ok to be sad. Yes, you have a lot to be thankful for, but that doesn't diminish the sadness you might feel sometimes. When you're ready to write -- happy or sad--- we are excited to welcome you back.

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  33. Waiting for Zufan!February 10, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    Hey Julie, grief is such a monster. You know what I found? I found not-blogging (or saying I wasn't going to) made it worse.

    Exercise works a little bit for me, if I can get myself started. So does talking on the phone. Sometimes reading works a bit.

    Let me know what works best for you (other than finally getting that referral, and maybe I'll try your cure when I'm bummed out.

    I finally got those pictures up! I think I could have fooled people and said "this is Julie!" You guys look like twins! You are both adorable.

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  34. EvelynFebruary 10, 2009 at 2:13 PM

    What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
    The world would split open.

    By Muriel Rukeyser

    We are with you, Julie!

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  35. GretchenFebruary 10, 2009 at 3:51 PM

    Oh, Julie. Sweet, sweet, dear Julie.

    Wait. Did you feel that? It was my guardian angel giving you a great big, truly gigantic, hug. And a smooch. Right there on that fantastic cheek of yours.

    You. Are. Not. Alone.

    xoxo,
    Courtney

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  36. UnknownFebruary 10, 2009 at 5:42 PM

    I'm sorry, friend. Hang in there. Speak to you soon. Love, Julie O.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2009 at 7:49 PM

    Sorry gal, I feel your blues.

    I am holding out hope that there will be babies in your house this year. The people who were in your spot this time last year and waiting for sibs had their dreams come true. I hope yours will also.

    ReplyDelete
  38. ChristineFebruary 11, 2009 at 4:33 AM

    Hey girl,

    You didn't think I would stop reading your blog just because you're not posting anything, right? I predict that there will be comments every day until you return. I hope you are doing okay.

    Christine

    ReplyDelete
  39. los cazadoresFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:09 AM

    Julie, look what came to OK...~~! Criminy! we were too late with the Pinkberry.

    http://www.freshberry.net/

    Hope you're feeling better. B.L. sends you sloppy wet kisses.

    Cindy

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  40. CatherineFebruary 11, 2009 at 1:58 PM

    What will I do with out you here? I will miss you....:(

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  41. ClaudiaFebruary 12, 2009 at 5:39 AM

    I'm so sorry about the sad. And yeah - as someone said a few comments up, dont' think we're all going to stop reading if you stop posting. It's not that easy to get rid of us, missy.

    I think the post you suggest is beautiful and perfect. Send it. But I also insist that you send 'this day' and your 'thoughts on waiting' posts, because they are land-of-blog landmarks. They should definitely be in print.

    Thinking of you. xx

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  42. -CFebruary 12, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    Hasn't it been a week yet?

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  43. filoliFebruary 12, 2009 at 12:43 PM

    It has definitely been a week in dog years and I believe blog years and dog years are pretty darn close...

    I miss you too...

    no pressure - I am just telling you that you are missed...

    take your time...go bead shopping...

    play with FB...check out craigslist...

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  44. Adventures of AntoneFebruary 12, 2009 at 4:39 PM

    Julie...it's nice to 'meet' you too...big hugs to help you out of the sadness...I feel your pain.

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  45. JenniferFebruary 12, 2009 at 7:41 PM

    Hope you are hanging in there....your blog friends are missing you and thinking of you.

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  46. KariFebruary 12, 2009 at 9:46 PM

    A week? What will we junkies do without you?!?!?!

    You will be missed, but completely understand the need to step back. Just come back soon! Hugs from WI.

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  47. HeatherFebruary 13, 2009 at 7:29 PM

    Don't really have any new words---The previous 46 (yes forty-six---that's a heck of a lot) comments seem to have held enough wisdom. Know that we care about you. You are truly valuable.

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  48. ChristineFebruary 14, 2009 at 4:53 PM

    Thinking of you on V-day!

    Christine

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  49. TamiFebruary 14, 2009 at 11:45 PM

    Trust me, I understand...take all the time you need. Post periodically, it's therapeutic. We are still here.

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  50. knFebruary 16, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Thinking of you girl.

    Hang in there.

    Yes I'm still reading - catching up on some I missed.

    ReplyDelete
  51. GretchenFebruary 16, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    dearest julie-

    i'm thinking about you every single day and hoping you're okay. sooo... are you, dear one?

    i so appreciate your checking in with me yesterday. it means more than you know. needless to say, it was a rough day.

    xoxo,

    courtney

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  52. Ms. FricknfrackFebruary 17, 2009 at 12:05 PM

    I feel like a total schmuck. I totally meant to comment when I initially read this through bloglines but I think I was distracted by an emergency of having to remove my son's hands from the toilet. I'm so sorry your sad and since this is over a week late, I hope the mean reds have lightened up some. I wish I could say something to make that sadness go away but most everything that people would say to me in my sad time made me want to spit at them. Not because they said terrible things, just because I was in "that" place. Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping like crazy that you'll see your babies soon. Real soon.

    The blog world is not the same without you.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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