Lucky Now

 The lights will draw you in
And the dark will bring you down
And the night will break your heart
only if you’re lucky now

I listen to this album over and over. I love it. I love him. Meazi's favorite track is Lucky Now. She belts out the words in the backseat as we drive back and forth to school. I am feeling very lucky today. This week has been a real mixed bag of emotions. We had to put Teddy down. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still heartbreaking. We have gone from three dogs to none. The house feels empty. Meazi took Teddy's stocking down and brought it to me, a big sad grown-up look in her eyes. Melese keeps babbling about how Lummi, Moses, and Teddy are all going to come back home very soon. We didn't have the vet come here this time. If you recall, we have been through this together pretty recently. The truth is we had more time with Ted than we expected, but it still sucks.

I also got a call from my doctor about a routine blood test I took six weeks ago. He said the results indicated a possible recurrence of cancer. I had to quickly get a neck ultrasound, and repeat the blood work. It turned out to be a LAB ERROR.  Those few days waiting for the results sucked the living life out of me. I imagined the impossibility of caring for my energetic kidlets while going through treatment again. I was an anxious ball of nerves. Fucking lab error- give me a break!

 Luckily, Uncle Mark arrived- in one piece! He is the ultimate tonic for all that ails. Everyone should have an Uncle Mark. The kids are too busy to be sad about Teddy, or worry about why their mother was muttering about lab results in the corner.

We had snow! Ok, well, Hollywood style- mall manufactured soap flakes, but SNOW! Who gives a shit if it isn't real! It was sixty degrees!

 And if the lights draw you in
And the dark can take you down
And love can mend your heart
 only if you’re lucky now

We just took an easy hike, and then ate burritos the size of our heads. We are waiting happily for the arrival of the Royal Wedding, Prince and Princess- The royal wedding of Madison that is.


I hope that you are surrounded by the things that make you feel lucky.

I hope Santa brings you this Ryan Adams album.

Traveler's Aid. NY-Part I.

Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life. — Jack Kerouac

 When Steven told me he'd like to attend his cousin's wedding in upstate New York I was excited. I immediately began planning our trip to the city, and to Meazi's idol, Dr. LaBootie. Thinking about it further, I became filled with anxiety about traveling with two kids under six. I was sure they would become lost or stolen or worse. Visions of Amber alerts and subway track falls filled my brain as I tried to figure out one of life's big questions...How do you travel with car seats? The closer we got to the trip, the more I relaxed. That high level of anxiety inevitably ends in a resigned calm at some point. It has to.

In an attempt to provide more than, "Here are pictures of us doing fabulous things and having a wonderful time on our summer vacation," I thought I'd write a bit about what worked for us, travel wise, with the hope that it may help someone planning a trip to the Big Apple.

Take Jet Blue. It helped that the only seats available, together, were the more expensive, "Even More Room" seats. They provided, well, even more room! Our non-tv watching kids were thoroughly entertained by the rare Sponge Bob sighting and an unfortunate Family Guy viewing (Mom, what's a gynecologist?). Kind flight crew, yummy snacks, mini water bottles and wing stickers for the kids, helped to make us big fans of Jet Blue.


Don't Take the Red Eye. Big mistake. They slept, we didn't, so we had the worst of both worlds- kids were ready to go, we were ready to sleep. Luckily the Jet Blue terminal at JFK has a children's play area. We spent about three hours there. There was a giant screen tv. It is not completely enclosed so you do have to have one eye open in case your two-year old begins throwing his Croq's at travelers walking by.


Always Bring Uncle Mark. Uncle Mark met us at the terminal for our next flight, a short 45 minute trek to Syracuse. Again, lovely Jet Blue employees, healthy snacks and the ever so helpful, 'First bag flies free" (What kind of world is it where you have to spend 25 bucks to bring a suitcase?).

We checked into our mediocre hotel in a city which reminded me a lot of Milwaukee and experienced the "World's worst view from a hotel room". Our window looked directly into the parking garage. Only one family member enjoyed that. "Mommy, we see those cars again?" Melese had a rough night that first night. He cried to go home. It was so sad to hear. Always bring whatever thing it is to help your kiddo feel secure away from home. For us it was his nightly milk. We were out of milk.

We attended a beautiful wedding. When in doubt, say yes to that wedding invitation.

Next up- Bed-Stuy, Do or Die, and do not show her the Beyonce Fourth of July, Statue of Liberty performance before the big day.

140.

Out of the 140 pictures, this one is the best. This is when she saw the statue for the first time.

Her favorite part of the trip is still the water feature at the Central park.

And her Uncle Mark...

Their House.

In my family when someone dies there is a wake, there is a funeral mass, there is a burial. There is public grieving and remembering. A group of people gather with one person on their minds. There is collective sorrow. There are chairs or pews to hold those who are too sad to stand. There is music. People speak kindly of the deceased. There is ritual.

When Chris died there was none of that.

Yesterday, by putting together this montage, I attended the wake and funeral of my mother-in-law, seven months after her death. I wept for all that has happened, and for all that has not happened.

It is true that grief begets grief. You read about someone dying, a stranger to you, or even a friend or relative of a friend , and suddenly their loss becomes your loss. The death of someone you love comes rising to the surface, and you feel yourself become undone.

Steven and his brother, today on the 20th of March, hand over their childhood home. The house they grew up in will no longer belong to them. It has been sold. There will be new cars in the driveway, there will be a new family living inside. A man and his wife will move in, look around, and feel comfort in owning a new house. They will feel the desert heat. They will open the sliding glass doors and walk out into the yard. They will sit around the hearth on a chilly desert evening and they will consider themselves home.

On our way to Santa Fe last Christmas we stopped at Chris's house. It was a very sad place to be. Steven had someone come in to repair the fireplace. Several men worked for two days repairing it. Yesterday, as I was looking for pictures, I noticed that so much living happened around that fireplace. So much living.

For my husband and for my brother-in-law Mark, I love you, and I share in your grief. This house will always be your home, no matter who lives in it.

Look at the pictures. How could it not?

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This Post Gets No Title...

I know that I have posted this picture at least once before. Sorry.

Today my husband and his brother travel here to scatter the ashes of both of their parents.

I wanted to write more about this, but I find myself, well, a mess.

Please keep them in your thoughts.

Friday Friend or Family Feature...

will return next week.

Here are two quotes that I read in the press this week about two of my favorite features...

Kate


"Kate contributes a constrained, ingenious solo."


Mark

"Mark's confused notary is notable for his physical exaggerations, a fine example of how an artful actor can mine comedic gold from even small parts."


If you live in Chicago, or Utah, and would like to see my fabulous siblings perform in person, e-mail me and I'll send you the info.

Also, if Mark is playing a notary on stage, do you think I could have him notarize some adoption documents? Seems okay right?


Lastly, Lauren has started up our local Ethiopian Book Club. Wanna join virtually?

Here is our first selection...



We have committed to reading the first 100 pages by mid August. Come on and join us!

The World is So You Have Something To Stand On....

Steven came home for the weekend. He has been in Phoenix since the first week in June. He has been taking care of his mom.

It is hot in Arizona, hot and boring.

For fun, Steven decided to cultivate the 'soul patch'...

Unfortunately, I think this makes him look like this Guy.

He, however, thinks he looks like this Guy.

Between you and me, he could have shown up looking like this guy, and I still would have made out with him. (It's been a loooooong month.)

We found a new favorite children's book. It is a hand-me-down from Pip and Squeak.

"A Hole Is To Dig," by Ruth Krauss; pictures by Maurice Sendak.

We, as a family, wholeheartedly agree with the themes of this book...















I'll spare you a photo for this one. Let's just say this, sometimes it is good to see your husband so that he can remind you that you are about six hours shy of a unibrow.



Our family is still pretty much consumed with grief. I guess that is why I don't feel much like blogging. When Steven was here, I snuggled against him and pressed my forehead firmly between his shoulder blades. I breathed him in. I could sense a sadness so deep. During these trying and difficult days, we must remember these lessons from our new favorite book...

Lean on Me...