These three will be together tonight. There will be no toasting with coffee cups. There will be no joyous stories. There will be no big plans made for meeting the Ethiopian grandchildren.
There will be talk of advance directives, recovery, and risk. There will be words like inoperable, survival rates and "Get your things in order." My husband, my brother-in-law, and my mother-in law Chris will be discussing her brain tumor. Her disgusting, fucking brain tumor that has taken over both of the lobes of her brain. They will be discussing how she can't find the words she wants to say, how her memories are playing tricks on her and how she really really wishes that she could have a cup of coffee.
Can you tell which stage of the Kubler Fucking Ross cycle I'm in now? You have got to be fucking kidding me. 62 years old, three years away from retirement, a few months away from finally being a grandma. We thought her symptoms were signs of stress and depression.
Tomorrow morning, an arrogant surgeon with ZERO bedside manner, will drill a hole in my husband's mother's skull.
Wake me from this nightmare.
Wake me from this nightmare.
Posts
I don't know if there are words that are appropriate or not, but I don't have them. Just wanted to let you know that I can't even begin to imagine for what or why or how this is happening but it's so fucking sad it's unreal, and I'll be thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh Julie. I am at a loss for words too - but just reaching out so you and your family know we're sending very strong thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteWhat a horrible loss - I am sorry for your mother-in-law and your family. I will pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family and praying that the surgery goes well.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about this. There really aren't any words...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your family. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. It isn't fair, and you have every right to be angry, for yourself, your mother in law, your husband, your children. Hoping for as much success as possible with the surgery.
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible, Julie. I am really, really saddened to hear that and sorry for your pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have loved ones around you guys.
Cindy
Thinking about you, Julie....and also thinking about Steven, M and Chris.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Deb
Wishing I could take away your pain...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I dont believe in purpose driven suffering, or any kind of 'meant to be' crap. You have every right to be angry. We loose too many loved ones and there is never enough time.
ReplyDeleteMy sympathy for you and your family-
Hey Julie - I'm with you in spirit and keeping your precious mom in law in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Julie for you and your family. "Unfair" doesn't even come close to describing the situation. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteOh Julie, I'm so, so sorry. Please keep us posted on how your mother-in-law is doing. In the meantime, I'm sending all my love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteLife is so unpredictable and often if not always unfair. I hope that it will all work out for the best ,whatever that really means. I suppose it is something people say when they can't think of anything else. I am not a prayerfull person but I am thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDelete