Saturday, December 24, 2011

Lucky Now

 The lights will draw you in
And the dark will bring you down
And the night will break your heart
only if you’re lucky now

I listen to this album over and over. I love it. I love him. Meazi's favorite track is Lucky Now. She belts out the words in the backseat as we drive back and forth to school. I am feeling very lucky today. This week has been a real mixed bag of emotions. We had to put Teddy down. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still heartbreaking. We have gone from three dogs to none. The house feels empty. Meazi took Teddy's stocking down and brought it to me, a big sad grown-up look in her eyes. Melese keeps babbling about how Lummi, Moses, and Teddy are all going to come back home very soon. We didn't have the vet come here this time. If you recall, we have been through this together pretty recently. The truth is we had more time with Ted than we expected, but it still sucks.

I also got a call from my doctor about a routine blood test I took six weeks ago. He said the results indicated a possible recurrence of cancer. I had to quickly get a neck ultrasound, and repeat the blood work. It turned out to be a LAB ERROR.  Those few days waiting for the results sucked the living life out of me. I imagined the impossibility of caring for my energetic kidlets while going through treatment again. I was an anxious ball of nerves. Fucking lab error- give me a break!

 Luckily, Uncle Mark arrived- in one piece! He is the ultimate tonic for all that ails. Everyone should have an Uncle Mark. The kids are too busy to be sad about Teddy, or worry about why their mother was muttering about lab results in the corner.

We had snow! Ok, well, Hollywood style- mall manufactured soap flakes, but SNOW! Who gives a shit if it isn't real! It was sixty degrees!

 And if the lights draw you in
And the dark can take you down
And love can mend your heart
 only if you’re lucky now

We just took an easy hike, and then ate burritos the size of our heads. We are waiting happily for the arrival of the Royal Wedding, Prince and Princess- The royal wedding of Madison that is.

I hope that you are surrounded by the things that make you feel lucky.

I hope Santa brings you this Ryan Adams album.


  1. fucking lab error is right. what a gigantic sigh of relief. (and i don't even KNOW you...i just harmlessly stalk you via your blog.) i am hoping you and yours have a merry merry christmas and a wonderful start to 2012. thanks for sharing your abundant life with the rest of us.

  2. That's our favorite Ryan Adams song of the moment in this house as well. Another reason why Meazi rocks. Those two other thigs--boooo. Love you.

  3. Love you Julie.

    I've already taken a deep breath and said a few curse words directed toward the lab.

  4. Stupid lab...glad things are okay.

    Just read the article you Sitting here with tears in my eyes. Thank you for your beautiful words and your openness in sharing. Sending you and the family big hugs for Christmas.

  5. Why didn't I realize this Ryan Adams album existed? I know what I'm buying with the iTunes gift card I got for Christmas.

    So sorry about the stress the lab error caused, but glad that it was just a lab error and not something more serious. And losing a pet so close to the holidays--ouch. May your Christmas be merry and bright, and may all stress disappear.

  6. Oh Julie... how awful. How absolutely awful. So sorry that you had to go through the Christmas thing at the same time as losing your lovely dog and that LAB ERROR???? How is that even POSSIBLE? I really hope that the new year brings a much more mellow time.

  7. :(. That is a terrible lab error.

  8. What a crazy, worrisome, sad time for you. Let's hope 2012 starts off on a better foot!

  9. ARRGGGHHH!! LAB ERROR??? I guess it's a good thing, but YUCK! I'm so sorry it's been such a hard week. I feel guilty now for whining so much about my sister when you were going through all of this!

  10. Holy crud, I too am a blog stalker, but my husband had cancer and I can imagine what that " lab error" would do to us, me. Also, I am really sorry you have lost all of your furbabies. I hope when your heart heals you find a new pup to love!