Sunday, August 28, 2011

Start Sanding

Dear Melese,
Mommy and Daddy are on their way, please don't worry. We love you very much. Meazi is okay, and we will all be together soon. Your teachers will take good care of you until we get there. We love you so very much.

I just had to write an earthquake kit letter for Melese. It is a letter for him to open if there is a big emergency WHILE HE IS AT SCHOOL. Did I mention that he is going to start school on the 6th?

This 'in case of earthquake' letter pretty much sums up how I feel about Melese going to school. I feel like I am leaving him in a room without power, the earth shaking, with strangers who are kind, but not his family.

I know, logically, that school will be wonderful for Melese. He is only going three morning a week. He has dear friends in his class, and he loves visiting there. It is a lovely little school that follows this nice philosophy. He needs to be around other kids. It is a good thing. I know all of this.

I am still having a little trouble with the idea. The problem with all of this attaching we have been doing for the last two years is that I AM REALLY ATTACHED TO HIM!

It will be a challenging transition for both of us. He still seems so young to me.

I just Googled 'How to Remove a Barnacle' and the first result said, 'Start sanding'.

It is only nine hours a week. This might be a good thing too, the nine hours to myself. I might actually have time to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer instead of finding the wet clothes several days later, and just rewashing them because they are a bit moldy smelling. I might even haul my flabby bleg (it's not leg, it's not butt...what is it?) to the YMCA. The possibilities are endless.

Still, in my mind he is cowering in a door frame, his pants wet because no one reminded him to use the potty, tears streaming down his face. He is clinging to a picture of Meazi, and this lame little earthquake letter I've written him.

I know, I know- I am the barnacle. Not him. He needs to remove me. I need to be sanded off.

It is just that it happened so fast. I miss him so much already.


  1. (((ah hugs momma)))
    I hope he loves it and that his momma's heart comes to love it as well. 9 whole hours to yourself! LOL. The possibilities are endless.

  2. OMG- Julie- you took the words right out of my mouth!!!! We are transitioning Leul to the sitters in preparation of my return to work and I can barely handle it. I too know it will be good for him but I will also miss him so much. I feel your pain! Your post put words to my feelings!



  3. My little Dew Drop started at a Reggio Emilio school last week. I really love the philosophy- especially the part about creativity and cooperation. Still, it's hard a hard transition for her (and for us). Best of luck!
    *p.s. OMG your earthquake letter? holy moley. I guess we should be writing those here in VA after last week's quake!

  4. Believe it or not, he will be just fine. I know you already know that. Here's another scoop: you will be just fine too. I think him going to school is a good way for you to now find Julie, the person, again. See, once you have kids, you start to lose your own identity. Your life becomes all about being someone's mother. The life you had before children just melts away, as if it was a dream.

    But you do have a life separate and apart from the kids. (And they have similar existences.) You will be a better mom, as if you aren't already awesome, when you devote some time to doing things for Julie The Person (as opposed to devoting time to being a mom).

    It's all about balance really. It's time for the barnacles, both of you, to morph into velcro. There will still be that attachment, but you won't be stuck on one another like glue. Eventually, you won't even be velcro. You will have a relationship that defies description really.

    It's going to take awhile for you to allow yourself to devote time to you. Don't question it and don't feel guilty. Nine hours a week is actually too little time for you to devote to yourself, but promise me you will do it. It's the least you can do for you!

  5. This made me cry. Such a lovely post, so terrible to let them go. I am avoiding it for one year by doing school at home with the kindergarten- age one. (It's not just about me, there are other kid-related reasons.)

    I hope you don't completely sand off the barnacle. I think it's ok until oh, he gets married...

  6. I like the velcro idea expressed in a comment above. MUCH better than barnacle. Barnacles are sort of suffocating. Velcro can be easily separated but suctions back together again quite happily. :)
    Ariam goes to school 2 days/week. She LOVES it. It has made her a wonderful little person to live with. Something about being apart 2 days/week has made both of us even more in love and even better able to tackle life together.

  7. I get it. I do. I still have a hard time saying goodbye to Elia. I do believe I need her (almost) more than she needs me. I just love her (too much) it feels like sometime. So, I get it. It takes awhile, but you'll find your groove. And I think being Julie the Person will be a good reminder that she's actually still in there... Much love your way!

  8. So tough but only because you are getting SO ATTACHED. That is amazing. I, too, am dropping my youngest (age 4) off for 9 hours a week starting in a few days. I don't want him to cry, I want him to have joy and fun, but I have not made it to the stage yet where *I* am the barnacle. This attaching stuff is hard work, especially with older children (my kids have been home almost 10 months and I have two others as well), all ages 4-8. I probably like it a little too much when I have some quiet while they are at school! Be at peace with the fact that it is hard for you to do only because you have done so well in attaching. I long to get there.

    I clicked on your link to the school's philosophy and loved it. I think your mom has a Montessori link of some kind ? We sent two of our kids to Montessori for several years and loved it. This preschool you've chosen sounds fantastic in similar ways, and you are right that it will be good for him.

    In case you also like to click on links, try this one. It's a good read before sending a little working-on-attaching-one to school.

    Happy First Day Jitters - can't wait to see photos.

  9. I don't know if our kids growing up will ever get easier. I mean, honestly. It happens too fast. Let me know if you find a way to slow things down. I'm thinking of doing nothing but making Eli stare into my eyes day in and day out. Maybe it will feel like time is going a little slower.

  10. Oh gosh. You and your co barnacle have such a precious relationship. It will carry on forever. His poor girlfriends, they will never measure up:)

    Love you.

  11. Oh...this is so touching. I know, it is so hard. and the symbolism of the earthquake letter. wow.

    Can I just tell you, if I haven't already, how much I love they way you express yourself? your love....motherhood....all of it. just love it.