tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post1430676170833128837..comments2023-08-18T01:19:37.402-07:00Comments on the eyes of my eyes are opened: Thougths at Twelve Months (or Fifteen Months, or Nine Years) Waiting; Ramblings from Crazytown.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-20232439711783154542013-10-08T12:11:25.614-07:002013-10-08T12:11:25.614-07:00Congratulations on your referral Jen! Calm assuran...Congratulations on your referral Jen! Calm assurance is a good thing. Let us know how it goes.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-84927943709145432922013-10-08T08:45:20.454-07:002013-10-08T08:45:20.454-07:00You just put into words everything I have felt. I ...You just put into words everything I have felt. I just received my referral and none of the "magical things" have happened. I really struggled with some expectation that God was going to send down a bolt of lightning and let me know that this is my child. But that didn't happen. I think some people have those moments or those signs. But not everyone and I don't want to miss out on a little girl who could be my little girl because there wasn't a host of angels announcing her referral. I instead am going to have faith that she was brought to me for a reason and I have a calm assurance that I will get to be a Mother and she will get to have a Mother again! Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11337430400777481199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-62804087745384488102012-05-14T09:19:18.251-07:002012-05-14T09:19:18.251-07:00Thanks for this - I have had "alot of feeling...Thanks for this - I have had "alot of feelings" for a while and I'm so glad that someone has written them down for me :) You are lovely! <br /><br />andreaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-46042319412484664592012-03-30T12:29:18.091-07:002012-03-30T12:29:18.091-07:00Beautifully written, thank you for capturing so we...Beautifully written, thank you for capturing so well what many of us experience. You are definitely not alone! And I found this post at the perfect time, while feeling my own anxiety. Bless you.Kathleenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06754977752393703392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-89920400198583284642012-03-14T10:00:07.224-07:002012-03-14T10:00:07.224-07:00I know we don't know each other, but I found y...I know we don't know each other, but I found your post about a week ago, and it hit so close to home that I was laughing, crying, and nodding my head in total agreement the whole way through. Thank you for posting this and capturing all these stages so articulately - it's so comforting to know I'm not the only one that go through these stages!<br /><br />~ KristenKristen [Teamfuest]https://www.blogger.com/profile/04828250531842364597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-49139175777785942282009-05-30T08:45:07.277-07:002009-05-30T08:45:07.277-07:00Julie,
I just stumbled upon your blog. My husband...Julie,<br /><br />I just stumbled upon your blog. My husband and I are also pursing an adoption through Ethiopia. I was riveted by your post on the stages--you certainly captured the true essence of all the feelings. No book or article really captures these feelings. Your words brought great comfort to me because I have cycled through virtually every stage you described. My dear husband has to brace himself when I move to another stage, especially when it is focused on social justice and doubt. <br /><br />Thank you for your candid, yet humorous, post.<br /><br />KathyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-61206480371051941922009-01-17T11:02:00.000-08:002009-01-17T11:02:00.000-08:00I've been waiting until I had time to really sit d...I've been waiting until I had time to really sit down and not be distracted before reading this post. <BR/><BR/>I think you've explained all the stages perfectly. Although, now that Eli is home, I think I'm in a new stage. I'm constantly thinking - 'I'm not doing near enough in this world'. Not because I felt like by adopting Eli we were 'saving' him. He actually saved us. I just feel like I've been exposed to the true needs of our world. So much to think about.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17479635873494501024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-25212752170229902522009-01-16T18:32:00.000-08:002009-01-16T18:32:00.000-08:00I've been waiting all week to read this with time ...I've been waiting all week to read this with time on my hands and comment. I'm glad I did, because I got all the comments to read as well!<BR/><BR/>Love Christine's motherparadox. I would have tried to say something similar but she nailed it. 'all that you give makes you into something else.'<BR/><BR/>Love Mama Dog's the world, heart and adoption are all messes. Yesses, they are messes.<BR/><BR/>There are signs. Of course, you won't know till hindsight. Shh.. don't tell anyone but I am more contemplative of the 'being above' after one particular night as we were waiting. <BR/><BR/>And, the discussion the two of you have bring you your children. We changed our 'stuff' and had we not, we would not have MZ. The day we learned of him, we could not believe our 'luck.' I kept saying things along the lines of... are you sure?<BR/><BR/>Julie, I have had my heartaches in life, but I have not had the same ones you've had. Our adoption, from first glimmer to arriving home was 15 months. Our fertility issues were easily solved. Our kids have come to us with relative ease. <BR/><BR/>Yet, I have continued to grow reading your blog, which I found after my two kids have arrived, and I am a better person and mom for it. <BR/><BR/>I will not be surprised if I hear a tiny shout from the earth as your online buddies cheer when we hear of your news (ala Horton Hears a Who).<BR/><BR/>Thank you for this post. And, as everyone else surely has done, may I link this too?<BR/><BR/>PS What? Did nobody else write a book for their comment?rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04814599978295161064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-68549782591876944312009-01-16T01:56:00.000-08:002009-01-16T01:56:00.000-08:00It looks like the population of Crazytown is growi...It looks like the population of Crazytown is growing. It is nice to meet so many fellow residents.<BR/><BR/>Your posts always ring so true, so raw, and so pure. All the emotions you experience during the adoption process are not always pretty and often show us a side we weren't happy to see. And that is not a bad thing. I think you are right on with wanting to feel the "uneasiness". I think you are right with all your questions of selfishness. I think you are right to think about the loss. I would be concerned if people that were adopting were not feeling that. All this mess and muck of waiting is just that - mess and muck. And you can't get around it. I've tried. <BR/><BR/>I am definitely in an optimistic uneasiness state - for both you and me! I do have hope. I have enough for both of us. I will share. I will hold it out for you to see when it is difficult for you to see. I hope the uneasiness keeps us grounded. I hope the hope continues to show us just how much strength and courage we have in us. Our children will certainly benefit from both.<BR/><BR/>Your time is coming! You can do this!<BR/>RebeccaAdoption Cubedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03277931536371335547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-72987055688235929752009-01-14T23:39:00.000-08:002009-01-14T23:39:00.000-08:00So so so true. Very nicely done. I look forward ...So so so true. Very nicely done. I look forward to your stages that follow your proposal and before you have the darlings. I am here now and find the uncertainty around the timeline, lack of information about my childs backgound, and MORE waiting to be harder. <BR/><BR/>You are almost there!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-74491060280970651422009-01-14T19:46:00.000-08:002009-01-14T19:46:00.000-08:00Thank you!!!Adoption is not for the weak. There's...Thank you!!!<BR/>Adoption is not for the weak. There's so much happy in adoption but there's also so much sadness and loss. Your children will be well-served by the fact that you are able to see that and admit it. <BR/>After all this time and the struggles you've been through to find your children, you may not feel an immediate connection. You may put up a wall in your heart to protect yourself. That's okay. Love isn't always at first site. And sometimes it's even more special when it takes some time because you remember the time before the love and you cherish it more.<BR/>Hugs...veggiemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04382130007331410251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-44803117400466342372009-01-14T14:12:00.000-08:002009-01-14T14:12:00.000-08:00That was by far the best adoption post I've ever r...That was by far the best adoption post I've ever read. You captured so much of what we felt, but we have two bio kids. So the poignant part to me, since I work mostly with couples who have no bio children, you allowed me to crawl into your brain and your heart, and see my clients more clearly. My hope is that I've always loved them well... that I'm one of those "good" social workers (b/c yes, there are too many bad ones), who cares deeply about them, their case, and their children. <BR/>Your honesty has helped, and will help, so many people. This story of yours is beautiful... so breathtakingly beautiful. The ups and downs only add to the beauty... I'm so honored to be able to read about your journey here. <BR/>wishing you extremely joyful days ahead... <BR/>beccamama becca https://www.blogger.com/profile/08043250825863649224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-20842414619342421192009-01-14T13:19:00.000-08:002009-01-14T13:19:00.000-08:00Thank you.Thank you.Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15084685082646700474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-18760291613134513322009-01-14T09:04:00.000-08:002009-01-14T09:04:00.000-08:00Wow! Great analysis of the process—it brings back ...Wow! Great analysis of the process—it brings back some memories. Though I went through it when wait times were much shorter, so lots of those steps have occurred since the adoption. Sorry you've had to wait long enough to experience all 18 of them! Here's to hoping for a proposal before 19 sets in.Deirdrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11302374456833324866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-16006733488150296652009-01-14T08:51:00.000-08:002009-01-14T08:51:00.000-08:00Dang!Julie, thank you for articulating these stage...Dang!<BR/><BR/>Julie, thank you for articulating these stages for us.hazelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02231091392575628479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-54550532231075682352009-01-13T22:22:00.000-08:002009-01-13T22:22:00.000-08:00The stages are crazy and I am so glad that you wro...The stages are crazy and I am so glad that you wrote about them. I don't think other people who haven't been in this process really understand. <BR/>I know that I always tell you this when I comment, but really, I mean it - YOU ARE GOING TO BE GREAT PARENTS! <BR/>I am looking forward to the announcement, which ya gotta make, Julie. By the way, I will be bummed out if you don't send me the pictures! : ) Julie, you are going to be parents and there is no doubt about it in my mind. - Julie O.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11960183225767050617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-51480752821883759852009-01-13T22:15:00.000-08:002009-01-13T22:15:00.000-08:00You are amazing, Thank you for sharing, I needed t...You are amazing, Thank you for sharing, I needed that....Wonderfully written..Erin Sagerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09183840307051102704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-74106365782833370892009-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:002009-01-13T20:05:00.000-08:00Seriously the only thing I know how or what to say...Seriously the only thing I know how or what to say is WOW. You have taken every single thought I have ever had and written it out in the most eloquent, thoughtful, gut-wrenching way possible. I know you did this for you, but thank you for understanding me in the process...for making me feel much less alone tonight. Thank you. Oh! and those children that you are going to bandage and love, those children who are alive and happy and sad today, they are going to love you so much. They are going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you. Who wouldn't? Heck, I do and I haven't even met you! :)Bridgethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324207209798382936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-37330958013644835382009-01-13T18:29:00.000-08:002009-01-13T18:29:00.000-08:00Also- I had to link to this post. Hope you don't ...Also- I had to link to this post. Hope you don't mind an awful lot....Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07425898963082396240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-8825156935575914312009-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:002009-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:00BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07425898963082396240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-29368110767210921552009-01-13T14:58:00.000-08:002009-01-13T14:58:00.000-08:00It's taken me a while to comment on this post beca...It's taken me a while to comment on this post because, really, I couldn't find the words to say. I still don't have the right words. But I do want to tell you how wonderful you are and that this is such an incredible post. Although I haven't experienced all these stages, for sure I've experienced some of them. Thank you for your honesty. You are so lovely. :)Blog Shmoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17065205060254177237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-80873795666586124502009-01-13T14:29:00.000-08:002009-01-13T14:29:00.000-08:00I just found your blog today and it couldn't be mo...I just found your blog today and it couldn't be more perfect timing. I am going through a whirlwind of different stages now and we're not even done with our dossier. It seems that for the last 4 years of trying to have a baby, I've gone through every stage you mentioned. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13223067451380123088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-88254361589514209272009-01-13T12:03:00.000-08:002009-01-13T12:03:00.000-08:00Well. I always love what you write, Julie. And I'...Well. I always love what you write, Julie. And I've certainly felt most of these. Thanks for verbalizing it so well.<BR/><BR/>And, I am getting excited for you!<BR/><BR/>And, you are not an asshole.Janahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14639903193368926508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-70484432038278389492009-01-13T09:49:00.000-08:002009-01-13T09:49:00.000-08:00What a great list (again). In our adoption, I ski...What a great list (again). In our adoption, I skipped the ethical questioning and went straight to the selfish stage. <BR/><BR/>I know it's been a long, hard road for you guys. I only hope that it makes it only that much sweeter when you finally have the family you have longed for. I can't wait to see you as a mother. You will be an awesome mother and I'm privileged to be one of the lucky ones who will get to witness it with my own eyes. <BR/><BR/>I'm proud to be your friend and I can't WAIT for you to get your proposal!I Love Purple More Than Youhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01775490055724447691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7233227024562434538.post-54914996715550945142009-01-13T08:58:00.000-08:002009-01-13T08:58:00.000-08:00I think you are so generous. This blog, you, so ge...I think you are so generous. This blog, you, so generous. And just lovely. <BR/>Some of these stages have continued on for me even now after Sam is home. I feel like there is so much to say that I'm not sure what to say. <BR/>I will say this. There will be magic. I PROMISE! It may not come in dates or names, it may, who knows. I just know there will be magic. I wish that somehow I could take the confidence I have about that out of my heart and place it into yours. But, its OK that I can't because one day, maybe soon, (hooray #3) you will be together as a family and you will know the magic and you'll think, "Jen, you knew, you were right. Magic!" Sending you love and continued courage!jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18430898057455957864noreply@blogger.com